Stop Punishing Kids With Conditioning

I started taking tennis lessons one year ago. I was not a tennis player as a child and while I took a few lessons here and there in my 20’s, I truly consider myself a beginner. I take a group lesson once a week and have really loved learning a new sport, being outside, getting exercise, connecting with friends, and getting incrementally better one bad hit at a time. I also love having a coach again. I love to be coached!

Last week, I was playing badly - think swinging and missing completely or hitting it straight into the net. It was frustrating (I find it to be excruciatingly painful to be bad at a sport) and I was growing more and more annoyed with myself. Towards the end of the lesson, my coach says to me, “If you do that again, you have to do burpees.” He was being a little bit cheeky, and I know, since I have also coached for 25 years, that he was trying to get me out of my head. However, let me tell you what happened to me at that moment. Fear set in. My heart started to race. I felt worried and angry. I wondered if he would really make a 42-year-old adult drop and do burpees because my skills were not developed enough yet. I could no longer hear his instruction. PANIC.

In the gym I owned for 20 years, we did not allow our staff to use conditioning as a punishment for many reasons, but this experience reminded me of a big one. At that moment, I could not think about my tennis, I could only think about how upset I was that my coach, whom I like, was threatening me. I was mad at him. I was disappointed in him. I lost a bit of trust in him. Trust that will only grow back, if he doesn’t threaten me again.

Our gymnasts are no different than me, except that they can not walk away and logically rationalize the experience. They do not want to be publicly humiliated in a place where they have friends, and where they come to work hard and watch their skills improve. Are they going to be perfect every time they come to the gym? No chance. But, at the end of the day, we want them to trust themselves, trust their coaches, and keep working hard. This strategy works against all of our common goals.

We are in the business of raising children, and as coaches, one of our long-term goals should be instilling a lifelong love of exercise, trying new things, and trusting their bodies. Using conditioning as punishment will lead them to associate exercise with punishment and shame, instead of all of the benefits they gain from training hard. We do not want them to become adults who stop prioritizing their physical health and don’t even know why, but with enough reflection they realize it is because they have negative emotions attached to it.

We want them to condition because it makes them stronger and when they are stronger, they can perform their skills better. We want them to condition because it releases endorphins and makes them feel good while doing it. We want them to condition because we want them to become an adult where exercise is a priority and they lead strong and healthy lives. We want them to use exercise as a way to feel better, not worse.

I urge you to stop this practice today. Try this instead:

1. The coach conditions WITH their athletes.

2. When a child is having a mental block, talk to the child. Find out what is going on with them. Connect with them more deeply.

I love our role in a child’s life. I love the impact we get to make on their day, their week, and their entire self-esteem. Remind yourself of this impact before each practice. You can be the difference in their life today…. And forever.